Birth will change you. There is no way around it. So how do you prepare for something so significant—physically, sure, but also emotionally?
You’ve likely felt the physical and mental shift of this new chapter as soon as you saw that positive pregnancy test—if not before. But as you move closer to your due date, you might be feeling all sorts of things: anxiety about the actual act of labor and birth, the anticipation of becoming a mother, and overwhelm about your to-do list. Taking the time to sit down and put together your birth preferences can help ease your mind and feel prepared for the actual birthing process.
With that in mind, we spoke to Erin Pasquet—an NYC-based birth and postpartum doula, lactation counselor, childbirth educator and pre/postnatal yoga and fitness instructor— and Erica Chidi, doula and health educator. Below, they share some tangible steps to assemble your birth preferences.
Step 1: Set and Discuss Expectations
Sit down and write out your expectations for your ideal birthing plan. Have your partner do the same. Consider the following, and be specific:
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How do you hope your labor and birth will unfold? What if it goes differently?
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How do you expect your partner to be involved?
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How do you expect your care providers, whether that’s your OB/GYN, midwife or nursing staff, to participate?
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What do you expect from your partner and any other support people in the immediate postpartum period?
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Who will take care of the big and little things around your home, like cooking, taking out the trash, laundry? How will you delegate these things?
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Will there be a shift in finances? If so, how do you expect things to be covered?
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Will you and/or your partner take parental leave? If so, for how long?
Once you’ve both written out your expectations, sit together and discuss them. Some things may align while others do not. Have the sweaty conversations. Get uncomfortable. It’s better to discuss these things before you’re in it. Sit down with your care provider and discuss their role during your labor and postpartum period as well.
Step 2: Create Your Birth Preferences
The birthing process can unfold in a variety of ways, and there is no way to predict how your story will unfold.
“If you’ve hired a doula, they will likely discuss birth preferences with you,” says Pasquet. “Even if you do not have a doula, I strongly encourage you to review birth options and potential interventions as well as your rights as a birthing individual. Do your research and discuss with your partner and care provider. The time to research is not in the middle of labor. I shy away from calling it a ‘birth plan’ because you cannot plan your labor, but birth preferences are certainly accessible.”
As you figure out your preferences, write them out in a list that you can share with your doctor and support team. Make two copies and pack them in your go-time bag. It’s a good idea to do this even if you’re birthing at home, just in case you end up needing to go to a hospital.
Use the following questions to guide your list:
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Where would you ideally like to give birth?
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Hospital: You have a doctor or, in some cases, a certified nurse midwife and can access a range of pain relief options, the option of a vaginal birth or a c-section, as well as emergency care for your baby.
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Birth Center: You labor in a cozy, home-like environment with a midwife or OB/GYN. There are limited pain relief options, which might not be covered by insurance.
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Home: A midwife supports your labor in your home with limited pain relief options. Sometimes an emergency transfer is required to a hospital.
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What would you like your environment to look and feel like?
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Lighting: Low lighting might make you feel more peaceful, which can help you stay centered while experiencing pain.
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Temperature: If you’re going to a birth center or hospital, bring extra layers in your birth bag and ask to adjust the temperature in the room where you’re laboring.
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Smells: Aromatherapy is a helpful relaxation technique, so consider adding some diluted essential oils to your birth bag. Try lavender, rose geranium, or neroli.
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Sounds: If music is soothing for you, make a playlist ahead of time. If silence feels better, try noise-canceling headphones.
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Comfort items: Gather objects that make you feel cozy. It could be anything from a weighted blanket to a birthing ball to a photo of someone you love.
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“What if I want to move around?”
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Walking, swaying, and dancing can help move your labor along—and make it more enjoyable. Your ability to move depends on how you choose to be monitored. You have two options: intermittent or continuous monitoring.
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Intermittent monitoring: You’re often monitored for about 40 minutes and then free from monitoring for two hours.
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Continuous monitoring: You’re monitored constantly, which is important if you’re having a medicated birth, but it can affect how much you’re able to move.
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How would you like to manage pain relief?
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Do you want medicated pain relief, like an epidural?
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What tools can you pack to help you navigate discomfort?
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What about after birth?
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Skin-to-skin contact: Right after birth, you’ll have the option to have your baby placed on your bare chest. Research shows that skin-to-skin contact, especially in the first hour after birth, has important benefits. It can stabilize your baby’s breathing, temperature, and blood sugar. It can support faster brain development, lower the risk of colic, and decrease stress. It’s also linked to a lower risk of postpartum depression, better milk production, and a greater likelihood of breastfeeding or bodyfeeding.
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Cord clamping: Cord clamping is the procedure that cuts and ties your baby’s umbilical cord after birth. You may opt for delayed cord clamping, which is linked with health benefits for your baby’s development.
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By discussing the possibilities with both your partner and your health care team before you’re in the moment, it will allow you to sit with your feelings around particular interventions and routine procedures and process how you may best manage your expectations and feelings should things go differently than you hope.
A few scripts to get you started:
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“Can we sit down together to go through my birth preferences? I’ll need you to advocate for me if I’m in too much pain during labor.”
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“Can I talk through my birth preferences so we can get on the same page about what I’m hoping for?”
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“I put together some birth preferences in case I need a transfer to a hospital. Do you mind looking it over?”
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Step 3: Pack Your Bags!
Now that you have a firmer grasp on your ideal birthing experience, it’s time to pack your hospital bag.
Some key tips:
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Try to stick to one bag. Keep it to the essentials. Will you really need three outfits? Probably not. Will your baby need three outfits? Probably not. Pack what you know you’ll need for labor and your partner or a friend can bring you the extra postpartum supplies.
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Know your essentials. Some suggestions:
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Your phone charger
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Lip balm
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A change of clothes for you and partner
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Toiletries like toothbrush and toothpaste, wipes, and a hair band or headband to keep loose hair off your face
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A bluetooth speaker for music during labor
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Electric tea lights to allow for less harsh light in your birth space
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A copy of your birth preferences
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Eye glasses or contacts and lens solution if you wear them
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A pillow in a non-white pillow case (to avoid mixing it up with hospital items and potential stains)
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Anything else that you feel would create a warm, safe and comfortable birthing environment, such as essential oils, printed affirmations or photos, or your own birthing gown.
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Make sure you have a car seat properly set up in your vehicle.
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Need some more inspiration? Team Perelel shared their hospital bag packing lists for both the maximalist and the minimalist mom.
Step 4: Prep Your Family
If you have a pet…
Be prepared to help them transition to their new human sibling. Read up on best practices for introducing a baby to the family pet. Oftentimes, it is recommended to bring an item home from the hospital that your baby was in contact with, like a receiving blanket or hat, before discharge. Allow the pet to smell the item and take some time with it getting to know this new human before they arrive.
Delegate pet care duties ahead of time. Who’s taking Spot out for his nightly walk once you have a newborn at home? What about the litter box? Assign duties to ensure that your pet is fed and nurtured. Know that it may take some time for everyone to adjust, pets included. You may feel guilt for not having the time, energy or space to dedicate to your pet that you had before—but know that this time is temporary and you will get that space back.
If you have an older child…
Spend time discussing with older children about how things may shift at home with a new baby. Brainstorm ways that your older children can get involved with their new sibling. Even young siblings can take active roles and may even feel proud to be helping out. Many parents worry about not having enough time for the attention required for multiple children. Again, sit down with your partner and have those sweaty conversations about expectations and roles. You may wish to set aside a special time to dedicate to your older children without the baby each day a week. This may be a great time to journal about feelings around growing your family and how it feels for you. There are no wrong feelings. Be vulnerable and honest with yourself.
Your life is growing in new and exciting ways. And while you can’t always “plan” your birth, you can plan your options. Take a Scouts’ approach to birth: “Always be prepared.”
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This article is for informational purposes only. It is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment and we recommend that you always consult with your healthcare provider. To the extent that this article features the advice of physicians or medical practitioners, the views expressed are the views of the cited expert and do not necessarily represent the views of Perelel.
