Mother is a verb. It’s an action, a pursuit—and an intention. And, to absolutely no one’s surprise, it can be all-consuming. Being a mom tends to make putting yourself first (or, let’s be honest, even putting yourself second) a feat of radical proportions. But mothering ourselves is the only way mothering others is possible. Whether it’s carving out a solo ritual, granting ourselves permission to exist beyond the title of ‘mother,’ or simply finding time to rest, taking care of ourselves helps us show up as our best selves for our families and our communities. It’s not always perfect, but it’s a more than worthy practice. In our series, Mothered, we explore the many ways that motherhood profoundly deepens our connection with ourselves—and how self-nurturing fuels us to show up for others.
The earliest weeks of parenthood have a way of cracking us wide open—introducing us not just to this new little person, but parts of ourselves we didn't know (or buried deep within). It's at once messy, overwhelming, gorgeous, and profound—and rife with so many lessons. That's precisely the perspective of content creator and social consultant Jenny Ong, who is currently navigating newborn life with her son and husband in upstate New York.
For Jenny, early motherhood has meant setting aside certain grand expectations and instead, finding the beauty in quiet moments and small victories. Although her free time is more scarce these days, it's far more intentional—and her she has managed to deepen her self-care as a result. Read her most essential lessons below.
Take a fluid approach to self-care
"Mothering myself as of late looks different every day, every week. Some days it’s easy and just requires tending to the basics: a warm shower that I can linger in a little bit longer than usual, having a little extra time for personal hygiene and skincare, or playing with my two pups. Some weeks I feel a deep rooted desire to fill my cup by doing some hobbies I loved pre-baby: gardening, going to a farm to grab groceries, or cook a favorite meal, even if it's just for 15 to 20 minutes to myself."
Carve out time to check in with your co-parent
"Once a week or every other week, my husband and I will try to check in with each other about this new journey we’re on, what we feel we can improve on or what we can help each other with so that we don’t lose sight of each other or ourselves—I always feel hopeful, reenergized, and seen when we get to do this. In this sense, maybe you could say hyper-communicating with my husband is a way of mothering me and our family."
Pay it forward with your village
"In the coming months, I’m hoping to regularly check in with nearby friends and neighbors—who also happen to be first-time expecting parents—and see if they could use any baby items, fresh produce, or prepared meals. My mother, a typical Asian immigrant mom in the sense that she shows her love primarily through providing an ongoing avalanche of prepared food, has taught me that sometimes the best way to nurture your environment is to nourish others."
Take a moment to breathe
"I have never been the meditating type. I used to feel as if I really sucked at it. My mind could never stay quiet; I had an endless list of things I needed to do and constantly think about. But as soon as I entered motherhood, the days started to blur into each other and my stress levels stayed elevated at higher levels than normal, I felt the need to attempt breath work and meditation out once more. It was accessible and something I could try to do while up early in the morning or while I was pumping and felt rather isolated.
"I’m so glad I did, because it has helped my mental health during this postpartum period tremendously. Breath work at times makes me feel calm and lighter on my feet, and sometimes energizes me when I badly need a boost. It allows me to recalibrate and reevaluate my relationship to stress—what it’s meant to do during this chapter of my life, and how I can re-wire my perception of stress so that it can serve as a temporary vehicle for something greater. And at other times, it’s simply just a moment for me to exist in my body, to acknowledge this state and my feelings and then let it go and move on. This process, I’ve learned, is vital when caring for a newborn."
Be protective of your time
"Becoming a mom required me to direct most of my energy towards my baby so having less bandwidth to do just about anything else put into perspective what really mattered. That meant I had to pare back on chasing activities that weren’t truly enriching, reevaluate how I spent leisurely idle time, and even who I communicated with. Really it just crystalized how I’d been wanting to live my life but never really committed to. At times I look back at pre-baby life wistfully, but mostly I’m grateful that it’s made me focus on accessible, simple joys and warm and considerate friends and family—back to the basics.
"Attention is the most important currency and we’re all sponges and mirrors right? I think to best care for others—to offer love, warmth, compassion, and belongingness in a way that they can feel seen and deeply moved by—we need to understand what that feels like internally and pursue it perpetually. Personally, I get energized after doing some things I enjoy for myself—gardening, cooking, reading—and then I like to use that positive energy to direct my attention towards someone else who rightfully deserves all of it. I light up when I see others at their best, and the feeling is often more profound, so I use that as my North Star."
Channel "mom guilt" into empathy
I had envisioned getting pregnant fairly quickly and by a certain age in order to have a certain number of children, and even picturing and preparing for the kind of birth I wanted too. None of those things happened the way I had wished, but I held out hope that maybe I could exclusively breastfeed my baby once they were here earth side. I dreamt of the sleepy but fulfilling moments during the middle of the night where it was just us, and he would need me in the same way I loved him.
"Sadly, even after many weeks of eating all the things, taking all the supplements and seeing lactation consultants, committing to triple-feeding and pumping practices, I haven’t been able to produce enough milk for him. My mental health teetered dangerously for weeks, I fell under intense spells of mom guilt regularly, and that led me to an ongoing, hyper-intentional practice of self-love and forgiveness. I gravitated towards meditation to calm my fears about being unable to naturally nourish my baby; I lean on my husband to remind me that breastfeeding, while beautiful, is only one small part of the parenting puzzle and I suppose that’s made us stronger together. I came to terms with my shortcomings to empathize with myself so that I’ll know how to empathize and emotionally connect with my baby as he grows—and learns how to navigate his little life in a world where things don’t always go the way we want it to."
Practice radical self-acceptance
"Being mothered is like holding up a mirror and feeling wholly accepted in spite of or because of all your broken, fragile parts. It’s an air of tenderness that doesn’t require words, a deep exhale of sorts.
"The greatest superpower I’ve unlocked as a new mom is cultivating a more profound understanding of unconditional love. It sounds zany but at times I feel a sense of warmth radiating from my chest, and I’m beaming just looking at this person I’ve brought into this world, and at the same time it fills me with a bittersweetness knowing how poorly some people—babies and adults alike—are treated in this world. My hope moving forward is that we come to know and practice motherly love, the kind that expands towards every living being on this earth. We’re all intertwined, and every single one of us—those we pass by at our local grocery stores and those from faraway countries who we’ll never meet—deserves to feel loved and safe at every stage of our lives."
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