The little death. The full-body sneeze. The big O. You might know the nicknames for orgasms—but do you know why they happen?
What is an orgasm, exactly?
An orgasm is a rise in sexual pleasure followed by a release. It often comes about from erotic or sexual stimulation, but not always.
An orgasm floods your body with feel-good hormones. It causes contractions of your uterus and pelvic floor. Also: heavy breathing and a faster heart rate.
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What does it feel like?
There are at least as many ways to describe orgasms as there are people.
For some folks, it’s like a full-body sneeze. For others, it feels like a wave of pleasure washing over them.
Orgasms often feel good, but that’s not always true. It’s possible to have orgasms that feel neutral or even painful.
How common are they?
There’s an orgasm gap between hetero men and women.
Ninety-five percent of straight men usually have an orgasm during partnered sex. Compare that to 65 percent of straight women.
There’s also an orgasm gap between straight women and lesbians, 86 percent of whom usually orgasm during sex.
Hmm, why could that be?
It might be because hetero sex tends to center men’s pleasure. When women focus on their own pleasure, they’re more likely to climax.
Many people with vaginas think they “should” be having orgasms from penetration alone.
We’re still living in the shadow of Freud saying that clitoral orgasms aren’t as good as vaginal ones.
Then add the other pressures at different times in a woman's life where her body and relationship to pleasure changes—throughout the month, whilst in the emotional journey that is TTC, postpartum, while pregnant, etc—and the gap can widen.
What about the clitoris?
Thirty-seven percent of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. It’s no surprise: that’s where the nerves are.
Research shows that folks with a shorter distance between the clitoris and vaginal opening are more likely to orgasm from penetration. It might be they’re more likely to get clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex.
Luckily, you don’t have to rely on penetration. You can play around with all sorts of clitoral stimulation—whether it’s with a partner or alone.
What will help me have one?
Pleasure is personal. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. See if any of these ideas speak to you:
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Listen to some audio erotica.
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Play around with some sex toys.
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Try having sex without penetration.
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Grab a hand mirror and explore your body.
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Focus on your own pleasure during partnered sex.
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Show your partner how you have an orgasm during solo play.
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Touch yourself while tuning into your breath.
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Approach your pleasure with curiosity instead of an end goal.
Takeaways
Let’s look back at a few key takeaways.
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An orgasm is a rise in sexual pleasure followed by a release.
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An orgasm floods your body with feel-good hormones.
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For some folks, it’s like a full-body sneeze. For others, it feels like a wave of pleasure washing over them.
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There’s a big orgasm gap between straight men and women.
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There’s also an orgasm gap between straight women and lesbians.
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Thirty-seven percent of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm.
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Folks with a shorter distance between the clit and vaginal opening are more likely to orgasm from penetration.
Resources:
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Matsick, J.L., Conley, T.D., Moors, A.C. (2016). The Science of Female Orgasms: Pleasing Female Partners in Casual and Long-Term Relationships. In: Aumer, K. (eds) The Psychology of Love and Hate in Intimate Relationships. Springer, Cham. https://doi-org.proxy.lib.umich.edu/10.1007/978-3-319-39277-6_4
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Herbenick, D., Fu, T. C. J., Arter, J., Sanders, S. A., & Dodge, B. (2017, August 9). Women’s Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94. Journal of Sex &Amp; Marital Therapy, 44(2), 201–212. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623x.2017.1346530
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How can I tell if my partner has an orgasm? | Planned Parenthood Video. (n.d.). Planned Parenthood. Retrieved September 19, 2022, from https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/sex-and-pleasure/orgasms#:%7E:text=What%27s%20an%20orgasm%3F,body%20and%20genitals%20is%20released
Rimm, H. (2022, March 3). 6 Types of Orgasms and How to Have One (or More!). Healthline. Retrieved September 19, 2022, from https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/types-of-orgasms#different-types
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