We want to know: How was breastfeeding for you? We ask because August marks the start of World Breastfeeding Awareness Month, a time intended to highlight the link between breastfeeding and nutrition, support breastfeeding-friendly environments for families, and reduce inequalities around breastfeeding. And while breastfeeding without a doubt provides numerous health benefits to both mom and baby—research suggests breastfed babies have a lower risk of infections and diseases—the month has a contentious history. For example, in the 1990's World Breastfeeding Awareness Month kicked off with a public health PSA called "Breast Is Best" to increase breastfeeding rates.
Today, however, the conversation is changing. Contrary to "Breast Is Best," now more than ever women are talking about the realities of their breastfeeding experience: that it can be hard, all too often out of a mother's control, and oftentimes a privilege to be able to breastfeed exclusively. Since the "Breast Is Best" campaign launched, the number of working women as the household breadwinners almost doubled and nearly 83 percent of parents turn to formula at least once in the first year of their baby's life. What's more, the campaign isn't representative of the various paths to parenthood, such as babies being born by surrogacy or with same-sex couples as parents. Not to mention, the indescrepencies of breastfeeding rates between lower income communities or women of color.
So, in an effort to flip the script and talk about the realities of breastfeeding, we asked five women to share their feeding experience. Our takeaway? Whether you breastfeed, formula feed, or do a combination of the two, ultimately only you know what's right for you and your family. At the end of the day, fed is best—whichever route you so choose.
Continue reading below.
Lola, 36-Years-Old: Had No Guarantee She Could Produce Breast Milk
Did you breastfeed?
I didn’t breastfeed, but not for lack if trying. My baby was born early, small, and never latched. I used to feel ashamed of answering this question with a “no,” but I pumped and was able to bottle feed breastmilk, so in a way yes, I did breastfeed.
What challenges did you experience while breastfeeding?
Breastfeeding (or trying to) takes so much endurance and mental stamina. Despite the overwhelming amount of advice out there, there is no guarantee the thing that changed the game for someone else is going to work for you and your body. It can be really disheartening to psych yourself up to try something new over and over only for it to fail. It’s also so difficult to do all of this while your body is on a hormone roller coaster and that can amplify so many struggles.
Did you formula feed your baby?
Yes. I had a breast reduction in the early 2000’s and had no guarantee I would be able to produce any breast milk. I spent my pregnancy detaching myself from the idea of breastfeeding or pumping and was prepared to exclusively formula feed (EFF).
Was formula feeding an easy decision for you to make? What was that experience like?
Turns out that despite my doctors thinking I may not have any supply at all, I did! It wasn’t much but was enough that I could supplement. My small baby was a big eater and I couldn’t keep up. I had gotten over the latching issue, but not being able to increase my supply made me feel like my body failed again. I was power pumping constantly. My pediatrician sat me down during a visit and said one ounce of breastmilk would not make my baby happier, but a relaxed, healthy mom would. I stopped at 12 weeks and went EFF. My baby thrived. I sometimes wish I had stuck it out longer, but when I look back at that appointment I remember how much relief I felt.
"My pediatrician sat me down during a visit and said one ounce of breastmilk would not make my baby happier, but a relaxed, healthy mom would."
Do you feel like feeding experiences are spoken about? Did you feel like you had honest support?
Feeding is so deeply personal and complicated and is often reduced to yes or no questions. Many, many times I wanted to ask questions about formula feeding and held back because I felt judged. I am lucky that I had honest and thoughtful support from my pediatrician, OB, and my lactation consultant. But my mom network at the time kind of failed me. They had good intentions but my situation was different and I didn’t feel seen. I ended up finding a community online that supported me and gave me a safe space to talk about my unique journey without any judgement. There are so many benefits to formula feeding that a lot of moms don’t talk about because they’re met with comparisons or seen as “lazy.” I hope we start talking about formula feeding as a choice and not a last resort.
"I hope we start talking about formula feeding as a choice and not a last resort."
What's one piece of advice you'd give to a new mom navigating breastfeeding or formula feeding for the first time?
There’s no way you can predict what your body will do—even with something that everyone tells you is so “natural” and is what your body is “supposed to do.” Try to go one step at a time and give your body grace while things adjust. I often felt like, “this next move is the ultimate most important one.” But feeding is a constant journey of small adjustments. It’s okay for things to shift and change. And find support and resources that make you feel heard and understand your goals.
Hannah, 31-Years-Old: Breastfed for 14 Months While Traveling for Work
What challenges did you experience while breastfeeding?
I found breastfeeding more shocking than the birth. The birth felt really out of my control, but feeding felt like it required a lot of knowledge that I wasn't expecting: when to pump, how to latch, how often, how long, the discomfort, the clogs—all of it!
"I found breastfeeding more shocking than the birth."
Luckily, we had a pretty smooth journey, but I would say traveling as a breastfeeding mom was tough. I remember one time, I confirmed ahead of an event that there was a space for me to pump privately, and when I got there they asked me why I couldn't do it on the bathroom stall floor. We just don't learn a lot about this process as a society, so it's not shocking to me that people are super confused about it. I also shipped my breastmilk home during a work trip and it all melted in transit—not fun.
"I confirmed ahead of an event that there was a space for me to pump privately, and when I got there they asked me why I couldn't do it on the bathroom stall floor."
Do you feel like feeding experiences are spoken about? Did you feel like you had honest support?
We hear a lot of birth stories, but I feel like I never heard any feeding stories so I was shocked for the first few weeks of my daughter's life when I was sitting on the couch for hours just breastfeeding. Now, when my friends get pregnant and want to ask questions about the birth, I'm like, "We can talk about that, but we should also talk about how much goes into what happens immediately after—feeding your child!"
What's one piece of advice you'd give to a new mom navigating breastfeeding or formula feeding for the first time?
Once I realized just how frequently I'd be doing this, I set up little stations in every room with a water bottle, towel, burp cloth, snack and phone charger. Those first few weeks I felt really confined to my spot since I was figuring out the latching and was nervous to move around a lot while she was eating. Having a spot with everything I needed regardless of what room we ended up in helped me relax.
Alesia, 34-Years-Old: Had Limited Supply Due to a Medication for Her Autoimmune
Did you breastfeed?
I did breastfeed. Our breastfeeding journey wasn’t what I expected (it was short lived), but I’m so grateful I got to experience it. It still amazes me what our bodies can do. I mean we make food for our babies!
What challenges did you experience while breastfeeding?
We had our ups and downs while breastfeeding—and I say "we" because my husband, baby, and I gave it our all. In the beginning, our baby wasn’t gaining enough weight so I had her on my boob every two hours. Then my husband would top her off with a bottle of breast milk while I power pumped. It felt like we were a little pit crew all working together.
After a couple of weeks of doing this, we noticed our baby was just suckling on my boob, not actually eating. So topping her off with a few ounces eventually turned into a full bottle. But I wasn’t ready to give up. All my friends and family who knew I was struggling with my milk supply encouraged me to keep going and said my milk would come in any day. So I kept trying…and crying…and stressing.
I have memories of my husband Googling "how to increase milk supply" at 2 am, driving to our friend’s house to pick up a new pump for me (we hoped a stronger pump would do the trick), and then renting a hospital-grade pump when that pump didn’t work. I remember stressing as my husband would make a bottle and then our stash was down to an ounce or two, which meant I better get pumping so our baby had milk in two hours. Oye! That was stressful.
"I have memories of my husband Googling 'how to increase milk supply' at 2 am, driving to our friend’s house to pick up a new pump for me (we hoped a stronger pump would do the trick), and then renting a hospital-grade pump when that pump didn’t work."
I also tried all of the things to increase my supply: skin-to-skin, lactation cookies, drinking lots of water and tea, supplements three times a day, drinking Guinness (Which did help but I knew it wasn’t sustainable—ha!), a Mexican hot chocolate drink, lactation massager—the list goes on.
During this time, I also consulted with a few different lactation consultants for advice and after seeing one our pediatrician recommended, I found out a medication I was taking was the cause of my low milk supply. I have an autoimmune disease, so it was a non-negotiable to stop taking it. When the lactation consultant told me this, my husband and I let out a huge sigh of relief. It was out of my control and no amount of power pumping, supplements, or teas would increase my supply. I wouldn’t have my freezer stash of breast milk I had dreamt of, but I was at peace with it. Somehow, the lactation consultant telling me this gave me permission to be okay with it and feel good about supplementing with formula. I know I should not have needed that, but I was determined to breastfeed. I had also put extra pressure on myself because I gotten my Covid-19 vaccine while pregnant and wanted to give my baby antibodies for as long as possible.
"I found out a medication I was taking was the cause of my low milk supply. I have an autoimmune disease, so it was a non-negotiable to stop taking it."
Still, I’d do it all over again just to feel my baby latch on and have our precious skin-to-skin moments. However, having been through it, I promise to be kinder to myself next time around.
What was your formula feeding experience like?
When we eventually did formula—what a godsend it was! Did I feel guilty about it? Yes, at first. But then I wasn’t a stressed out mama because we weren’t relying on just my breast milk and that was a huge relief. A stress-free mama is a happy mama, and that’s the energy I wanted around our baby.
Do you feel like feeding experiences are spoken about? Did you feel like you had honest support?
I think feeding experiences are well spoken about and there are supportive online communities, however, for me, I couldn’t grasp others’ experiences until it was my turn to try it. Throughout my entire pregnancy, I told myself “fed is best” and said I wouldn’t stress if breastfeeding didn’t work for us. And then I gave birth and threw that out the window.
As for the honesty, friends and family waited until I was in the thick of it to admit breastfeeding is hard as heck. Once I opened up about my struggles, friends said, "Oh yeah, that happened to me too!" Some said they didn’t share the difficulties because they never want to scare me while others said they just simply forgot. Reflecting on that makes me wonder: Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to breastfeed when it’s just a little piece of our motherhood journey?
"Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to breastfeed when it’s just a little piece of our motherhood journey?"
What's one piece of advice you'd give to a new mom navigating breastfeeding or formula feeding for the first time?
My advice for new moms breastfeeding is be patient, be kind to yourself, and lean on your partner or your community for support.
Lauren, 44-Years-Old: Breastfed Her Two Kids While Working for 18-Months Each
Did you breastfeed?
Yes, I breastfeed both my kids for 18 months each. I liked that I had this superpower to produce food for my babies. I liked the closeness you get with your child during breastfeeding. But, I have to admit that I probably did it for as long as I did due to all the pressure that is put on women to breastfeed.
"I liked that I had this superpower to produce food for my babies."
What challenges did you experience while breastfeeding?
Pumping three times a day while working in a traditional corporate environment was pretty insane in retrospect.
Do you feel like feeding experiences are spoken about? Did you feel like you had honest support?
Yes. I was part of a Mom & Me group at The Pump Station, which provided a ton of support and candid conversation. Once we graduated from Mom & Me, a group of us stuck together and met regularly to share tips and resources about breastfeeding and all the other craziness of being a new parent.
What's one piece of advice you'd give to a new mom navigating breastfeeding or formula feeding for the first time?
Do what's best for you and your baby. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to adhere to a certain standard.
Victoria, 34-Years-Old: Added In Formula for Three Children After 6-Months
Did you breastfeed?
Yes. It was my choice, but it was something that was important to me. I knew that the first 6 weeks were crucial to the baby's development, but luckily for me, it was relatively seamless so I continued.
What challenges did you experience while breastfeeding?
My first child had horrible reflux so every feeding session was difficult. He would scream throughout most of it, not eat much, and I had a very aggressive flow, which didn't make things easier. I was definitely overthinking things and making it harder for myself because the more stressed I became, the worse the process was.
Did you formula feed your babies?
Yes, we added in formula after 6 months. I knew that I couldn't manage breastfeeding exclusively throughout 12 months. The amount of time the whole process took was another full-time job on my plate and at some point, I had to know my limits. I couldn't show up as a mom being that exhausted and managing it all.
"The amount of time the whole process took was another full-time job on my plate and at some point, I had to know my limits."
Was formula feeding an easy decision for you to make? What was that experience like?
I felt incredibly guilty every single time. Somehow, even with the third, it didn't get easier. And then about two weeks after stopping breastfeeding completely, the guilt stopped because I became more myself, refilled my cup, and was able to be a better mom, which is why I had stopped in the first place.
Do you feel like feeding experiences are spoken about? Did you feel like you had honest support?
It feels very all or nothing right now and almost extremist where you need to be so pro-formula when you do switch. I think it could also be: I breastfed for a time that made sense and then I formula fed for a time that made sense. No need for guilt or for a promotion anti-guilt too.
What's one piece of advice you'd give to a new mom navigating breastfeeding or formula feeding for the first time?
It doesn't feel this way in the moment, but it all works out, whichever way you go. It will be exhausting and hard and stressful no matter what, but once you're 1 month out, 3 months out, 6 months out, you won't even remember and will be focused on the next milestone with your precious babe.
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This article is for informational purposes only. It is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment and we recommend that you always consult with your healthcare provider. To the extent that this article features the advice of physicians or medical practitioners, the views expressed are the views of the cited expert and do not necessarily represent the views of Perelel.